my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
