my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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