I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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