Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
