so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
