How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
