I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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