How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
