No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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