How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
