So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
