WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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