i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
