look no pants
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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