Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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