I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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