You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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