Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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