Define "chronic" masturbator.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Is it because I queefed?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
