Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
