the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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