Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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