My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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