well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
