i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
