She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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