She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
