My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
