I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
