My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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