Your dad touched me again.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
