so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I will die if light touches me.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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