I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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