Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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