Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
