Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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