I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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