He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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