woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
