just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
