she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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