so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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