I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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