Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
someone get that fucking seahorse.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
