yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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