i jhust puked up my retainher.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
