She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Alive.
So much puke
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
