sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
