Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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