I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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