I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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