The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
