He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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