kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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